Cycle of destruction…

Almost every day I wake up and think, today is the day. Today is the day that my thinking shifts and I make it happen. And then I have pizza for breakfast (like I am doing right now). Being a compulsive overeater is like having a secret job. You have to find ways to fit in the snacks, extra meals, extra snacks and do it all without anyone noticing. Nah, they wont notice the extra fifty pounds Ive gained only eating healthy. Nah, the wont notice all the wrappers and shit I stuff in the bottom of the trash can or hide with other crap. Nah, they wont notice that I never have any money to do anything at all because I am spending it on garbage food. Honestly, it truly is the definition of insanity. Every time I wake up and think today is the day; I go to bed thinking “tomorrow is the day.” When will I break this cycle?

Yesterday I had the perfect day. Not a carb entered my mouth. Then, at 830 pm, I had Dark Cherry Chocolate ice cream. A big ol mug full. And it was fucking delicious. So this morning Im eating pizza. I am heading to St Louis today for work. And I will be on a per diem so I get to eat on someone else’s money. Fuggedaboutit.

I feel like Margaret…”Are you there God, its me, Jeanine” except instead of asking for boobies and a womanly figure and mindset, I am asking for HELP. Help to break this cycle of destruction.

I recently became an Independent Distributor for SeneGence; the people who make LipSense – I did it because ONE, I love their products and TWO, I need a distraction. I am super lonely and I eat out of boredom. So maybe if I can create a small business for myself that is so time consuming, I can leave compulsive eating behind….wouldnt that be a miracle? I went to a training session on Saturday and one of the many wonderful quotes I picked up was “Push through the negative to the JOY”…can I do that? Can I really find my JOY?

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