I am off-off the wagon…kind of like off-off Broadway. I have yet to regain any kind of control over my food choices…and after all, I did say I was powerless over food. Guess I am proving it time and time again. I had cookies for breakfast. And ice cream for lunch. I don’t feel good about it, but I couldn’t stop myself from eating and quite frankly, I consciously made the “fuck it” decision. I am the definition of powerless over food. This Step One thing? I’ve got it down. I am an expert at powerless.
The question I have is – why? What about me makes me like this? I am really trying to be gentle with myself…this conscious awareness is a double edged sword. I realize that I have a problem and my logical mind has provided me a solution but my compulsion continues to propel me in the opposite direction.
I have a closet filled to the brim with clothes I cant wear. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Why isnt this enough to motivate me to stay on the right path? What is wrong with me?