Day 15

People don’t want to hear about your diet. Just shut up, eat your lettuce and be sad. ~Pinterest

Step 2. Came to believe that a power greater than us would restore us to sanity. More than ever. I came to this realization this morning after reading Step 1 again, that I am ready for Step 2. I know I can’t do this myself and have to believe that something greater than myself is the only one who can help.

My cousins Gina and Linda are visiting, they are both older than me and have watched me grow up. At no time have they ever made comments about my weight or done anything to suggest they are embarrassed, in any way, of me. That I do for myself. Meeting them for dinner after not seeing them for a couple of years, I was ashamed of the way I looked and didn’t want to go. I went and it was fine, but I kept fidgeting with my clothes, adjusting so that I could somehow camouflage my size. I couldn’t. At this point, the way I feel really has nothing to do with anyone else, it is all about how I see myself and it isn’t good.

Tonight, I am going to be in a situation where we are out and about and all I can think about is, “Will the seats at the restaurant they choose support me? Will I be able to move between seats to get out if I need to? Will the bathroom stalls be too tight?” Forget about all of the strangers that will see my body but not me. The shame of invisibility is overwhelming today.

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