Day 10

My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of God women, eat a salad. ~Pinterest

I awoke to pouring rain. I had already showered planning on heading into the office but then I heard the thunder and saw the lightning. Perfect day to work from home. And, while that is super convenient, working from home means I am going to stay in my pjs, not really get much exercise and be exposed to all sorts of temptations.

OH! Good news, I went down a pound-ish. Its definitely slow going and today I feel really…snackish. I want jelly beans, its Easter. I want a Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg. I want to be effortlessly thin and not worry about what I put in my mouth. But that will never be the case. There are so many people that it just comes easy, or at least that’s the way it looks. I have a cousin who literally tries to GAIN weight. What would that be like? Ah to eat with abandon.

Some days I get so frustrated and sad that this is my life. We all know people who are fatter than me that are in relationships, seem to be happy and living a full life, why cant I? I have said this to folks before, I think I am a lemon. I think there is something inherently wrong with me. Something that prevents me from living the life I am supposed to lead. I have an awful boss, I have zero relationship, I live with my mother and I’m just genuinely unfulfilled. At closer to 50 than 40, I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Mainly, I just want to be happy.

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